Using sports as a metaphor for religion makes me want to blow my brains out
tourist: i'm bleeding to death from these gunshot wounds, please save me and call an ambulance
new yorker: no but i can give you directions to an actual italian restaurant
Anonymous asked: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Falling asleep at work with cold feet. Charmed life
I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT THE EPITOME OF POLITENESS, SIR, BUT THANKS FOR YELLING AT ME FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND MAKING ME CRY EVEN THOUGH I EXPLAINED WHY I COULDN’T TRADE YOUR BOOKS, I AM NOT TRAINED TO DO SO DUMB ASS, THAT DOES NOT MEAN MY BUSINESS IS SHITTY IT’S NOT EVEN MY BUSINESS I’M A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL WORKING FOR MINIMUM WAGE ON THE WEEKENDS AND YES YOU CALLED AHEAD BUT ALL...
“I smell like the mall… Like Chinese, perfume, and sadness” - shit anna says
IM SO DUMB AND LAME AND CRAZY WHATS MY DEAL WHY CANT I BE COOL AND CALM AND COLLECTED
Anonymous asked: your boyfriend is a lucky, lucky man
Why Can’t I Be Nice
asiansdoingweirdthings: all I want to do is watch lotr and die
My mother described one of my short stories as “southern Gothic” and “macabre.” Basically she is the best human in the world and far superior to your mother because she uses words such as “macabre” in casual conversation.